Mega Man 3: The GS version
by Pureauthor
Summary: From the dark, twisted depths of the author's mind comes another parody! One of the best games in the entire Megaman series now faces parodizing, and Ivan's none too happy about playing the lead. Rated for language
1. Prologue

Megaman 3 (The GS version)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Location: Author's house)

Isaac slumped in his chair, looking for all the world like the bored Venus Adept he was. Somewhere in the background, he could hear Mia and Jenna arguing over who should get him again. Isaac sighed and began pulling out strands of his hair to admire.

Felix, meanwhile, was busy watching the author playing some Nintendo game, without too much interest. "Why on earth are you playing a game like that?" He inquired. "Shitty graphics, cartoony looking enemies, and the weirdest looking evil villain ever. I can see that you aren't exactly too strict about the quality of your game play."

The author raised an eyebrow as he stared at Felix. "My dear boy, I'll have you know that this game had stellar graphics for is time, and retains the exact same playability value it had when it first came out."

Just then, a fireball created by Jenna flew past the author's face, singing his cheek in the process. He didn't even bother to blink. "Jenna, stop fighting with Mia. Mia, come over and Ply me before you two get into any more catfights over your precious Isaac."

Isaac sighed and looked around. The entire GS crew looked bored out of their skulls. Well, except for the Tablet Guardians. They were having a rousing game of Let's- Beat- The- Snot- Out- Of- Each- Other (Special rule edition). Oh, and Ivan and Sheba. The two of them were off snogging in a corner somewhere.

It was Picard who voiced what every single adept in the room (sans Jupiter) was feeling. "I'm bored." He said. "And believe me, after living in Lemuria for upwards of a century, I know bored."

The author sighed. "Fine then. What would you like me to do in order to get you off… my…" He gaze moved upwards to the TV screen. "Case…" He murmured to himself.

"I know that look." Felix said with a resigned sigh. "Seen it far too many times on all the other authors. The parody bug strikes again."

"How sweet of you to notice, Felix." The author deadpanned. Looking around, he ducked to avoid an Ice Missile. "Where's Ivan? He's taking the lead for this one."

"He _always_ takes the lead in your fics." Isaac pointed out sourly.

"Don't worry, Isaac." The author said sweetly. Too sweetly. "You get a role as well. Where _is_ Ivan?" Snapping his fingers, he waited. And in present course, he was not disappointed. Ivan appeared, although in midair, with Sheba currently clinging to him. With an _oof!_, both of them collapsed onto the floor.

"I guess I have to aim my author powers better..." The author muttered sheepishly. Standing, he reached over and flicked off the TV. "Well, then!" He said cheerily. "Shall we get started?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So, tell me again." Ivan grumped as he stood in front of the computer. "What exactly is this game we are currently parodying?"

"Megaman 3." The author replied distractedly. He was trying to remember his password for the computer. "The game that Felix was slamming just now."

"Oh, joy." Felix growled. "In addition to being stuck parodying a game, we're stuck parodying a _lousy_ game."

"Just you wait, Felix." The author grinned. "Just you wait."

"And I suppose Sheba will be playing the female lead?" Isaac asked.

"Actually... there's no female lead." The author laughed. "There's no romance in it either. Just ol' Ivan against an army of bad guys. Well, eight armies, actually."

"This just gets better and better." The blonde haired boy observed.

"There!" The author leaned back in his chair, smiling. "You'll all start tomorrow." Here's the cast sheet."

Ivan raised an eyebrow as he stared down at the list. "Um… I'm the only one on it." He said.

"That's right!" The author replied. "I don't want to give away the surprise of who's playing the robot masters."

"Uh… robot masters?" Picard questioned. The author snapped his fingers.

"Of course! I forgot to tell you about them, huh? Well then…" Reaching into his shelf, the author pulled out a thick volume, crudely stuck together with glue, and filled with crayon illustrations.

"Made it when I was three." The author told the speechless members of the GS crew. Lifting the tome so everyone could see the title (Dr. Wily's Big Book o' Robot Masters), he began to read.

"Robot masters are big bad meanies that are really difficult to beat and stuff-" The author grimaced, and flipped forward until he came to set of pages that looked legible. "Robot Masters are the creation of German Roboticist Dr. Albert Wily (And if you missed the obvious allusion, you suck). They are soulless, demonic epitaphs of death, and are not bound by any of the laws of Robotics, save only to obey Dr. Wily in everything they do. The original octuplet of Robot Masters were actually co-created by Dr. Thomas Light and Dr. Wily. However, a freak accident with a teleporter scrambled his mind, driving him insane. Stealing six of the Robot Masters (he considered the other two unworthy for battle purposes), he launched a reign of terror throughout the world, with a robotic army ready to fulfil his every whim. Cut Man, Elec Man, Ice Man, Fire Man, Bomb Man, and Guts Man were his generals. But the "worthless" Robot Masters were to prove his undoing. Rock and Roll (and if you missed the pun, you suck), the two left behind, were unique in the sense that they were more advanced in thought, speech, and emotional capabilities. When Rock saw the destruction caused by the Robot Masters, he volunteered to be upgraded into a new, battle-worthy body, to stop Dr. Wily, known to the world as large as Mega Man. In this he succeeded, and was sent to jail. (and if you thought he was going to _fail_, you… guess.)

However, Dr. Wily was released from jail, in the face of really, really bad politics. And the first thing he did was to zap himself away into a fortress hidden in the mountains, also known as a Skull Fortress. (Apparently, bad guys have this thing about skulls.) Soon, eight more Robot Masters were unleashed. Metal Man, Wood Man, Bubble Man, Air Man, Heat Man, Crash Man, Flash Man, and Quick Man led the Second Robot Rebellion, causing widespread death and destruction. Forced into a corner, and with no other option, Rock once again took on the role of Mega Man, halting the Rebellion and sending Wily back to jail-"

"After two times of nearly conquering the world?" Garet snorted. "Why didn't this Mega Man just blow his head off and be done with it?"

"Glad you asked." Flipping to the last page of his big book, the author read out. "

Isaac Asimov's three laws of robotics state that the primary law, to be inputted into any and all robots upon activation, is that no robot can cause harm, intentionally or otherwise, to a human being. (And if you couldn't figure out that Wily ignored this order, you suck).

Now, back to the story. A psychology Doctor, a Mr. Cedric Froid, stated that he had managed to purge the madness from Dr. Wily. Tests from various experts around the world proved his sanity, and Dr. Wily was released for the second time. And _no_, contrary to popular belief, he didn't warp away into some fortress in the mountains this time." The author snapped the book shut, a satisfied smirk on his face. "And that, my friends, is where the third Megaman game begins."

Sheba raised an eyebrow. "If they released a homicidal maniac that tried to rule over the world _twice_, I really have to wonder about the efficiency of your government."

"So do I." The author smirked. "Well, I'll read out the roles that will be apparent from the get-go." Drawing a sheet of paper from the paper, he read out "Okay, Ivan's already playing Mega Man, as previously stated. Hama will be playing Roll, which fits, 'cuz she's his sister. King Hydros plays Dr. Light, and Kraden plays ol' Doc Wily. You have until tomorrow to prepare, and Sheba?"

"Mm?" The Jupiter adept looked up.

"You don't have any role in this one. Sorry, but the only other roles that are significant are Robot Masters, and I think there's something morally wrong with Ivan beating up his girlfriend."

"_Only_ Robot Masters?" Sheba cocked an eyebrow.

The author hesitated. "Well..." He muttered. "There's _one_ exception, but frankly, Mega Man beats him up too. So nach. You can watch from the command room (i.e. the author's study room), though."

Sheba made a dissatisfied noise, and turned away. The author looked around. "Okay, everyone else, you have until tomorrow to do whatever it is you want to do. Ciao!" Humming, he left the room.

Ivan rolled his eyes. "There are certain disadvantages to being the author's favorite character." He muttered.

Sheba smiled. "Well, what are you going to do on your last day of freedom?"

Ivan grinned sheepishly. "Oh, I don't know. How about I spend it with one of _my_ favorite characters?"

Isaac watched the two Jupiter Adepts leave the room hand in hand. "I wonder what my role will be?"

Garet snorted. "If I know anything about the author, it'll be a dumb one. I'm going to the kitchen. I need a snack… bad."

"Yeah, me too." Isaac muttered. All the adepts left the room, each contemplating the horrible tortures the author would put them through tomorrow.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Okay, so I've set up the basis for _another_ story, while I have two already in motion... and exams looming on Monday. I have no self control whatsoever.

Please note that my other stories take higher priority than this, so don't be surprised if this only _very_ sparsely updated.

Read and review, kay?


	2. Third Time Lucky

Megaman 3 (The GS Version)

_"Well [if you're not behind this,] then WHO IS?! This isn't just some bigoted civilian! Every robot Sennet HAD is off the deep end! No civilian could do this! … If you're not behind this Wily… then who is?"- Android/Advanced Robot Master Rock, shortly after the beginning of the Third Robot Rebellion, Mega Man 3: Return of the Forsaken, Magus523_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ivan! Ivan, wake up!" A voice permeated the gloom of Ivan's dreams. Moaning slightly, he twisted over in his bed. Or he tried to. He was stuck in place.

"Oi, what the?" Ivan sat up in bed. And promptly bashed his head on a glass panel. Finally deciding to open his eyes, Ivan started as he realized he was currently in a what seemed to be a rather large test tube. And it had no exits far as he could see.

"What the?" He yelled. "Author! Get me out of this thing!" Angrily, he punched at the glass tubing. And was rewarded with the glass completely shattering and flying everywhere. And a bruised hand.

Staring at the results of his handiwork, he blinked a few times before pushing aside the remains of the glass with his gloved hands.

Gloved hands? Ivan stared at his hands, then his body. They were entirely covered in a strange blue material, which was ductile (that means bendable for those of you not in secondary school), but also extremely tough. Shrugging, he climbed out of the tube thingy, and looked around. "I am so going to get the author for this later." He muttered under his breath as he strode out of the room.

And stopped short as he glanced into a mirror. No. Way. Backtracking slightly, he stared at the full-length mirror, his brain refusing to process the information. But it was true. All too painfully true.

He was wearing tights.

"AUUTTHHOORR!!!!"

Suddenly, a piece of paper materialized in midair. Ivan snatched at the paper and stared balefully at the words on it. 

_Yes, Ivan?_

"What- I- how- Just… just get me out of this! I will NOT wear tights for this thing!"

Another paper. _No can do, Ivan. Once the parodymaker V 1.0 has been set in motion, the only way to end it is to complete the game or movie or whatever you're parodying. I'm looking to fix that in V 2.1, but, hey, you can't win 'em all. And by the way, you're a robot now, so you have improved strength, vision, etc. Ta._

Ivan crumpled the paper into an itty-bitty ball (not hard with his new-found strength), and stomped downstairs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The author leaned back in his chair, whistling as Ivan murmured several expletives under his breath. He had expected this, of course, but what was the fun unless you got the characters riled up?

Sitting forward, he began to type, preparing the next phase of the story. And paused short with an exclamation of "What the _hell?_" When his fingers made contact with a strange, clear liquid that covered the right side of the keyboard. After staring at it for a moment, the author sighed.

"Sheba, would you kindly stop drooling on the keyboard?"

"Buh, Ivampf in-"

"Yes, I am well aware Ivan is in underwear. As if I'd let him forget that. And here." The author handed Sheba towel. "Go wipe your mouth. Please."

After Sheba had left, the author raised an eyebrow as he saw Hama greet Ivan. Where were the two doctors?

"Oh… right." The author mused. Probably working on their new 'project'. Well, two new projects, but one was just about completed. Either case, Ivan's mood hadn't brightened too much…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Cheer up, Ivan." Hama tried to reassure him as he flopped down onto the couch. "I've checked. This game isn't too long if you know what you're doing. We'll be out of it sooner or later!"

Ivan merely growled to himself as he grabbed a remote and switched on the TV. Or at least, he tried to. And instant later, the wall to his side slid away.

"Wrong remote." He grumbled to himself as he grabbed another one. _This_ remote made the chair shrink, rendering Ivan unable to fit in it. Ivan came this close to frying something with a Plasma.

"Why does he need so many remotes for?" Ivan muttered as he tossed aside a sofa cushion. Third one.

Click. Beep.

"Ah, there we go." Ivan grunted with satisfaction as the TV turned on. Or at least, he assumed it was a TV… but since when did a television have arms and legs?

"What on Weyard?" Hama managed as she stared at the walking television. The screen flickered, and a face appeared on it.

"I am Television Man, designed by Dr. Kraden as part of his ultimate plan to rule the- uh, I mean, aid the children of the world in educational programs." With that, Television Man shut down again.

Ivan blinked.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The author sipped a mug of hot coffee as he sifted through the profiles of the Robot Masters. Hm… which one should he introduce first? And who would play which Robot Master? Ah, the lush possibilities… including a special role for a special someone. With a grin, he continued to type away on his computer. _This_ was going to be fun…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Before Ivan could think further about what he just saw, the door swung open and in walked King Hydros, followed closely by Kraden.

"Ah, Ivan!" King Hydros said. "Took you long enough to wake up! We missed a chance earlier to tell you about our lastest project."

"Save it." Ivan replied.

"Ah!" Kraden said, eyes gleaming. "But I'm certain you'll _love_ to hear it! You know how you had to go stop the last two Robot Rebellions alone?"

"Yes, and he succeeded in destroying all your robot armies!" King Hydros laughed. "Wasn't that hilarious?"

"Yes," Kraden ground his teeth together. "Hilarious."

"Anyway," King Hydros continued. "Now, with our new project, you'll never have to stop another rebellion again! It's huge, new robot called Gamma that has enough strength to wipe out a city, and it'll have _tons_ of cool weapons on it!"

"So… you build a huge robot with the ability to vaporize huge amount of stuff, and expect it to keep peace?" Ivan said disbelievingly.

"Of course!" King Hydros said happily. "It's foolproof!"

"Sounds swell." Ivan muttered. "Can I see it?"

"Unfortunately… no." King Hydros coughed. "See, in order to create Gamma, we need a very powerful type of energy source known as energen crystals, found only in eight locations throughout the world. However, we're preparing to send out an order to the mining firms so we can get the energen crystals we need."

"Um… guys?" Hama said suddenly. Television Man's screen had flickered, showing a special news report.

"This is the latest update. All known energen crystal mines have been taken over by strange, hostile robots. That is all. Thank you." With that, the screen shut off.

Ivan was the first to break the silence. "Well… shit."

"I didn't do it!" Kraden yelped. Everyone turned to look at him.

King Hydros shook his head. "This is awful!"

Ivan snorted. "Of course it is. With those Robot Masters occupying the mines, all the humans in there will be kil-"

"We won't be able to get our energen crystals!" King Hydros collapsed weeping.

Ivan merely stared at King Hydros. "Um… yeah. No more energen crystals."

"Hey, I've got an idea!" Kraden said excitedly. Everyone turned to look at him. "Why don't you get Ivan to gather the crystals?"

"WHAT?!" Ivan sputtered. "I- I- What?!"

"You heard me!" Kraden said. "Why don't you go gather them? You have your big arm cannon, and all…"

Suddenly, time seemed to stop for everyone, except Ivan, and a piece of paper once again dropped from the ceiling.

_Dear Ivan, this is the author. Just wanted to tell you that since this the entire premise of the game, you accept or you wear underwear on the outside forever. Have fun! ^__^

Growling, Ivan crumpled the paper into a ball, and tossed it aside. The instant it touched the ground, it vanished, and time started again, leaving Ivan to stare at the three figures in the room, all looking expectantly at him.

"Fine, I'll go." Ivan raised his hands in defeat.

"Excellent!" Kraden crowed. "Now, my robot masters shall kill you and I'll be free to steal Gamma!" Ivan raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I mean, best of luck!"

"Sure…" Ivan rolled his eyes. "So, uh, how exactly do I get to those mines or whatever?"

"Teleport, of course!" Hama said.

"Oh, right." Ivan muttered. "I'll be off, then."

"Hang on a minute!" King Hydros said. Disappearing into the lab, he came back out with a red, robotic dog. "His name is Rush! I'm sure you'll find him quite useful in your adventures!"

"What?" Ivan said. "Does he have an ion cannon on him or something?"

"Even better!" King Hydros gushed. "A spring!"

_Sproing!_ A huge coil with a red platform flew out of the dog's back. Ivan shook his head despairingly. "Whatever. I'm off! Come on… Rush."

Rush barked happily and followed, after pausing to slobber over Hama's dress.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The author spun the wheel slowly. "Eeny Meeny Miny Mo…" He muttered as the wheel rotated, finally coming to rest on a red-garbed Robot Master.

"Magnet Man it is!" The author laughed. Walking over to the computer, he began typing…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Somewhere in France, a beam of sapphire light shot straight downwards, before finally forming into the slightly dizzy form of Ivan. "Whoa." He murmured. "That was different."

Then, he looked around. The entire area was just about empty. "What kind of bad guy stage is this?" Ivan wondered to himself. Starting forward, he looked around seeing nothing… until he realized he was currently in midair.

"Wha-?" He gasped. Twisting his head, he looked up to spot what looked very much like a magnet with eyes attached to a propellor. And it was generating an electric field that kept him suspended in midair. He blinked. Weird…

But no matter. Easily rectified. Raising an arm, he cast Spark Plasma.

Or, he tried to cast Spark Plasma.

Nothing happened. Frowning, he tried again. Still nothing.

"What's going on here?" He yelled. Just then, time stopped again, and another paper floated lazily down.

_I forgot to tell you, so long as this parody is active, you can't cast any psynergys, mainly because I want you to try out your arm cannon and Master Weapons. Have fun, and watch out for bottomless pits!_

"Bottomless pits?" Ivan wondered. Suddenly, he felt the magnetic field carrying him dissipate, and he looked down.

Empty blackness yawned back at him.

"Yargh!" Ivan screamed as he fell into the bottomless pit. And as he did, his life flashed before his eyes. Master Hammet, Sheba, his journey, his sister, and everything else, never to be seen agai-

_THUMP!!_ Ivan rubbed his sore head and looked around. "Um… author? I thought you said this was a bottomless pit?"

Another paper fluttered downwards. _Sorry, didn't bother to scan that far down. And stop asking me so many questions, you're making me waste a lot of paper, y'know._

Ivan rolled his eyes. "How am I supposed to get out… oh yeah! That spring dog! Oh, Rush!"

A flash of red light, and the dog appeared in front of him, spring at the ready. Bracing himself, Ivan hopped onto the spring and was catapulted high into the air… straight into the path of another surprised Magfly.

With a lovely reverberating clang, Ivan's face met the Magfly's head on, and both of them fell to the ground, stunned.

"Ow…" Ivan moaned, picking himself up. "That hurt." Shaking himself off, he uttered a silent curse and continued on, didging more Magfly beams. After experimenting a bit, he figured out how to change his arm into a plasma cannon, and had a merry time littering the ground with pieces of flash-fried Magflies.

Finally, he reached the end of the path, and saw a single ladder leading down. Shrugging, he climbed down it… only to realize that it cut out about five metres above the ground.

"Crap." Ivan muttered as he landed rather painfully. Shaking his head, he looked around once more… only to clap his hands over his ears as a horrible, rending shriek echoed throughout the room. After it ended, there was a flash of yellow light, and Isaac appeared on the far end of the room.

"Isaac?" Ivan asked as he rubbed his ringing ears. "Was that you?"

Isaac shrugged. "Um… yeah."

"Jeez, you have _got_ to learn how to whistle better." Ivan groaned. Then he blinked. "Isaac… are you wearing shades?"

Indeed, Isaac had a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, not to mention a shield on his back. "Yeah… the author said I needed to wear this to keep in form. At least he let me keep my scarf." Then he turned serious. "And by the way, I'm supposed to fight you."

Ivan rolled his eyes. "What? You're the Robot Master for this stage? Talk about a short one."

Isaac shook his head. "Nope, the Robot Master's at the end of this stage. I'm just here to take you out before you reach him."

Ivan shrugged. "If you say so." Suddenly, he leaped into the air, firing with his arm cannon as fast as he could. Isaac, by contrast, merely flipped his shield to the front, deflecting the plasma bullets. Then, ducking out, he returned fire with his own volley, catching Ivan by surprise.

"Yikes!" Ivan yelled out as he felt the plasma blasts slam into him. "That hurt!"

"It was supposed to." Isaac informed him coolly before leaping into the air and letting loose another volley. Ivan shrugged and ran under Isaac, before twisting around to peg Isaac with a trio of plasma bullets.

"Y'know," Ivan grunted as he rolled out of the way of a stream of ionized plasma. "Mind telling me your Robot Master name? Mine's supposed to be Megaman."

Isaac shrugged. "Apparently, I'm supposed to be called Break Man. Gah!" He cried as Ivan managed to land a shot to his face. "Now I'm mad!" Raising his shield, he deflected another volley of shots, then lunged forward, punching Ivan in the face.

Ivan fell, the wind knocked out of him. As he raised his head, he saw Isaac aim his arm cannon straight at Ivan. "Sorry 'bout this, but… any last words?"

"Yeah…" Ivan choked out. Then he smiled. "Gotcha." Raising his buster, he fired straight into Isaac's own, and was rewarded by a large ball of fire that consumed Isaac's form. After a while, it disappeared, and Ivan glanced around.

"Gone?" Shrugging, Ivan noticed a hole in the floor and dropped down. Turning, he saw a huge pink… thing lumbering towards him. As he watched, a hatch in his head slipped open, and a missile extricated itself. Ivan shrugged and blew it out of the sky, just in time to watch the pink thing get close enough to him to smash it's huge bulk into Ivan.

"Ow! You little-!" Angrily, Ivan returned fire, and was rewarded with the Giant Springer blowing up, and leaving a strange glowing orb behind.

"What on Weyard?" Ivan murmured as he walked up to the orb. Prodding it gingerly, he was surprised to feel energy drain from the orb into his body, refilling him from the fight with Isaac and the Giant Springer.

"Nice." Ivan shrugged as he leaped over a slight rise in the floor… to meet another Giant Springer waiting for him. "I'm getting really annoyed with these things." He muttered to himself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The author grinned to himself as he stared at Ivan battling the Giant Springer. Swiveling his chair, he raised an eyebrow to consider Isaac, who had just walked in.

"You look like crap." He stated. Isaac snorted.

"Excuse me, you didn't inform me my arm cannon was inflammable."

"Whatever." The author muttered. "Go clean up. No more tussles in the near future."

"Thank Venus." Isaac shot back as he left the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ivan dropped down from the ceiling into another room. A pair of weird, robots, looking like little more than eyeballs with legs attached to them glared at him.

Taking careful aim, Ivan managed to blast away both of them before they reached him. Dropping down the next ladder, he shook his head on the way down. "I hate this."

As he landed on the ground of the next room, he felt himself being pulled towards a huge machine on the far end of the room. And waiting for him were more of the eyeball robots. Growling with frustration, Ivan was able to destroy one of them before it reached him, but the second managed to get close enough to Ivan to swing it's stalk-like leg at him. 

Wincing from the kick, Ivan blew it away, and leapt onto the next level… only to get pulled straight into another magnet machine. And from above, another eyeball walker bashed him upside the head. Fighting the urge to utter several expletives, Ivan vaporized it with a well aimed volley of plasma, and continued onwards.

Dropping down to the next room, Ivan managed to land on a ledge above the floor, and grab several more of those energy capsules from the Giant Springer, bringing his health back to full.

"Y'know." Ivan commented as he climbed down the next ladder to the lowest level. "This is easier than I thought it'd be. Just as annoying, but easier."

Dropping down onto the lowest level, Ivan glanced around. There was little in the room save for a sheer wall that even Rush's spring wouldn't be able to bypass. Then how-?

_SHOOM!_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The author shook his head, a grin etched on his face. "Easier than you though, huh?" Chuckling dementedly, he pressed several keys rapidly on the keyboard.

"My dear Ivan…. Welcome to the bane of Megaman everywhere."


End file.
